Big Fat Webmasters
Ok, so, this isnt about porn and since it isnt and you’re probalby only here for porn whatever skip it and masturbate to something. if you want to hear me bitch that’s fine.
i’m fat. fat as hell. i dont show pictures of myself here because of that. but i’m really big, like, jerry springer rescued from the house big.
so that said, there are a lot of challenges to being big. first being finding good office furniture. oh and getting laid. but, well, i have ways of circumventing that last one 
anyways, i bought a new chair today that felt fine in the 5 minutes i sat in it at the store but fucked if after i get it home its a little tight on my big fat mammoth tree trunk of a set of legs. bleh. i kinda hate that.
so i’m gonna saw the fucking arms off, because, if i take the arms off then there is nowhere for the back to connect to 
i dont want a fucking stool i want a fucking chair. so i’m thinking if i saw part of the arms off it’ll be comfortable in the legs section and the back will stay on.
but maybe not. its horse shit. but hey 39.95 at office max, so whatever.
but the horror of it all is that i had this gREAT fucking chair that retails for like 700 bucks the last time i priced one, its some king thing kingdom kingdery or something and its rated to 500 pounds. well i had the fucking thing from a furniture store in town because it had some sort of flaw on it and i got it for 200. cheaper than most office max chairs.
i LOVED this fucking chair. I mean holy shit i lived in the thing. I mean I sat in it 12 hours a day some days webmastering and playing games and masturbating to whatever and i fucking miss it. its broke all to hell though after 12 hours a day for close to 7 years it just gave up the seats all fucked the screws are fucked the giant deal that the seat rests on, the air cushion thing? fucked. in fact here is how fucked this chair is now:
See? I wore this mother fucker out. seriously. and its STILL more comfortable than this new thing, but i’m afraid i’m gonna sit down on it one day and have it shoot up into my anus and deflower me. FUCKED.
I wont pay 700 dollars for a new version of this chair and i cant find a used or older version and this 40 dollar chair pisses me off. So what i’m asking is, buy me one. dammit one of you rich mother fuckers out there making a million a year whacking off to this site should just hit my contact form there on the sidebar and get some info on buying me a new version of that chair. or hey sponsor the site, makers of that chair who i dont even know the name of cause i cant find it written anywhere. send me one! I’ll fucking sit in it and fart and claim it makes my asshole smell like roses.
honest!
August 4th, 2005 at 5:03 pm
Ha, I can’t buy you a chair. But your post was kind of a refreshing diversion. Hope you end up with a good one.
August 4th, 2005 at 8:55 pm
What if we all pitch in a dollar each? I’d do that! ;^)
August 4th, 2005 at 9:58 pm
Hey, great blog!
Just out of interest - you said you had a way of circumventing the problem of getting laid. Care to share it with us?
Jock
August 4th, 2005 at 10:32 pm
Hey Jock,
there are 3 ways I manage to get laid without being obese. None are particuarly flattering but they’re there
first off i meet a lot of girls for the photography i’ve done and they’re generally pretty accepting of size. so, that works out pretty well.
secondly I play around on adult friend finder and meet folks from time to time through there, that are pretty accepting.
finally i’m surrounded by porn 24 hours a day and have a fleshlight in the mail. Not as great as a responsive female but eh what can ya do